So how about some random musings?  Ok, so they’re not really musings… more like things that have made me laugh hysterically the past week.

The End. 

P.S. See more Tim & Eric at www.AdultSwim.com

Being Thankful.  Being thankful is probably the most important part of this time of year.  However, I find the irony in a holiday that celebrates gratitude being celebrated by a nation that has collectively become overly selfish and apathetic.  My only hope is that our society will be humble enough to appreciate what we have, rather than complaining about what we can’t change.  But… you can’t polish a turd.

Thanksgiving Football.  Living in Dallas, I look forward to the annual Thanksgiving Day game at Texas Stadium.  I think it’s funny that we also have to watch the Detroit Lions getting mauled every year.  Knowing that they haven’t won a game this season, I don’t think this year will be any different.

Pardon me, Tom.  Every year “Tom” Turkey gets to live another day, thanks to our courteous President.  At least PETA will shut up for another year.  Did somebody say Tofu Turkey?  Pardon me while I eat Tom’s friend who unfortunately didn’t get off so easy.  How do they find so many turkeys named Tom anyway?

Black Friday.  Come on.  I know America is a consumer-driven economy that complains about the large corporations that they buy everything from… but this tradition has to be the funniest.  Every year I look forward to hearing about people that camp out the night before to get the BIG SUPER BONANZA BARGAIN DEAL on the last Friday of November, only to be hauled off to the hospital for getting trampled, beaten, or tazered.  I love Black Friday… from a spectator point-of-view.

Pumpkin Cheesecake? Now I have a new favorite tradition for this time of year… Pumpkin Cheesecake.  So picture this: pumpkin pie = good, cheesecake = great, pumpkin cheesecake = unbelievable.  Fortunately for you, I was able to “acquire” the recipe from my old man.  Love ya, Pop.

2 packages (8 oz each) cream cheese softened
2/3 cup sugar (or Splenda substitute)
2 eggs
1 can(15 oz) pumpkin
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/4 tbs ground cloves
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp allspice
Use pre made gram cracker crust 9″ or use cheese cake baking pan and make your own crust.

(1) in large mixing bowl beat cream cheese on medium with an electric beater until fluffy.Add sugar and spices. Beat until combined.

(2) Add egg, one at a time,mixing until combined. Stir in pumpkin.

(3) Pour into gram cracker crust. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 35 to 40 minutes. Cool for 1 hr on wire rack. Refrigerate for 3 hrs. 

(4) Store in refrigerator.

Enjoy!

Then… take a nap. Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

In one corner wearing blue trunks, you have Mac: the liberal, artsy, latte-drinking, reality-TV watching, “my opinion matters” type of candidate.  In the other corner wearing red trunks, you have PC: the conservative, straight shooting, meat-eating, business-minded suitor.

Now in my opinion, it’s a lot more rebellious these days to do the RIGHT thing.  Our country is so infatuated with “trying to be cool, or trying to fit in” that the public perception of celebrity has become something that doesn’t really matter.  In fact, with most websites and TV shows lowering their standards and becoming more interactive, the majority of people think they are some kind of celebrity already.

Here’s where it does matter… in this year’s election.  The liberal media has basically annointed this Obama guy, as if he were the Messiah.  This guy basically came out of nowhere, from being a community organizer to becoming the Democratic Nominee for President of the free world.  Being a younger guy, he appeals to the liberal society… as well as being a well-versed public speaker.  What our society doesn’t realize is that we’re not looking for a freaking spokesmodel for Dockers Khakis… we’re talking about someone with NO experience running for the highest position in the country. 

On the other hand, we finally have a stand-up guy in John McCain who can reclaim the Republican party, and erase the thought of George W. Bush from our memory.  McCain is a guy with Values… not just clever sayings and catch-phrases.  A war hero, who knows the meaning of sacrifice, adversity, and perseverance.  The sad part is that all of these traits that make a good leader are overshadowed in the eyes of Americans by someone who is endorsed by Oprah. 

So here’s what this means to you… 

Going back to the Mac VS. PC commercial, let’s do an analogy.  Let’s say the USA were a business.  In fact, let’s use Apple Inc. as the example.  Now as we all know, Steve Jobs is the president.  He has experience, he’s business minded, and he’s done some EXTRAORDINARY things in his tenure with the company.  Now let’s imagine that it were time to step down… who’s going to take his place?  Mac?  or PC?

PC has experience in the industry.  When asked if he had any business experience, he opened a spreadsheet and showed his plan for maximizing the company budget.  He has actually sacrificed his own life for the benefit of the company.  He has the ability to take over in an executive environment, and make DECISIONS in the company’s best interest.

Mac has never done anything but take pictures and make videos.  When asked if he’s ever run a company before, he says “Well, I WAS a moderator in a chatroom… and everybody liked me.”  He also wants to shut down all Anti-Virus protection in hopes that Hackers will stop developing viruses.  Then he adds “Peace, dude!” and takes a bong-hit.

So who do YOU want in charge of making the decisions that matter most to us as Americans?  Don’t be fooled with the “4 more years of the same thing” banter that the liberals stand behind.  Hell, it’s not even about the issues since ANYONE running for office is going to say what the people want to hear.  Throw out the race card, and throw out the gender card.

Let’s talk about Mac & PC… show me a business that ISN’T a graphic design company that is being run on a Mac, and I’ll show you a business that will be bankrupt very soon.

Think about it…

The good news is, I’ve decided to make my blog part of my main site at Cohawk.com

I figured if I made it more prominent, I wouldn’t neglect it as much.  Plus I’m sure you’re all waiting for more of my wacky antics… or not.

So have fun getting caught up, and be expecting more.

I have learned very recently to start living relationally, rather than religiously. I focus more on strengthening my relationship with God, rather than abiding by performance/ranking manmade rules.

By doing this, I am learning to live a life of expectancy, rather than expectation. After all, if God created me, and knows my past, present, and future… how can he possibly have any expectations for me?

Knowing this gives me the confidence that I am not, nor will I ever be a disappointment to God.

It also enhances my relationships with my friends and family. Think about it this way:

Expectation: When someone doesn’t call you for a while, we always think “that guy’s a jerk. I do my part and try to call them as often as I can, and he doesn’t even TRY to call me… what an ass.”

Expectancy: When someone you haven’t seen in a while (weeks/months/etc.) finally calls you on the phone. You immediately pick up the conversation where you had left off the last time you talked, and enjoy every minute of listening to them.

…that is a big difference, and that’s why I shared this with you. I hope you read it all the way.

Thanks for the inspiration Andi & Pastor Joe.

I normally don’t rant and rave about upcoming releases, but if you don’t get excited about these next three things then something is definitely wrong with you.

First and foremost, being a long-time wrestling fan, I am TOTALLY pumped about the in-ring return of The Ultimate Warrior.  I’ve been a fan of wrestling since I was about 8 years old, and this guy is the reason behind it.  A good guy with a maniacal edge… and intensity that could fire you up to make you think you could stop a train by yourself.  The Warrior, which is his legal name now, is set to return to the ring on June 25th in Barcelona, Spain.  For more info, or to watch his day-by-day return go to UltimateWarriorTV.com

On the music side of things, two GREAT bands have long-awaited releases slated for June as well.  The Offspring and Weezer both bring HUGE album cuts that are playing all over the radio.  The Offspring’s first single “HammerHead” from the new album Rise & Fall, Rage & Grace is back to their originial brand of hard-hitting punk riffs and Misfit-like choruses.  If you don’t know what THAT means, then stop reading right now.  New album comes out on June 17th.  Check out their upcoming show dates on Offspring.com

Judging by the sound of the new single “Pork & Beans” from Weezer’s new self-titled release (AKA The Red Album June 24th), I can only assume that this will be a legendary album.  The crunching guitars and sing-along melodies demonstrate a TRUE talent, very rarely found in the music industry today: the ability for a song to give you goosebumps.  Don’t believe me?  Go listen to it right now on the homepage of Weezer.com

So far, June’s looking good.  Either way… stop watching reality TV… it’s stupid.

Here’s the deal… Revolution Money Exchange is the newest way to accept online payments.  Here are the two key points:

1) They charge NO PROCESSING FEES.
2) They GIVE you $25 just to open an account!



If those reasons don’t make you want to sign up, then you are probably too busy watching re-runs of Perfect Strangers and ordering a pizza from a rotary phone… so you’re not reading this anyway.

But if you ARE wanting to get $25 bucks for nothing, then go HERE:

Paul and Tammy are at the point in their lives where they are very health conscious.  All of the birthday food was very healthy, and really good… especially to a guy like me that eats fast food every night.  From the cold cuts, to the vegetables with ranch dip… I was pleasantly surprised.  Then came the birthday cake…

This cake was awesome!  It was chocolate with a cream cheese frosting, and if I didn’t know better I would have NEVER guessed this was a sugarless cake.  Tammy had mentioned that the bakery had used an artificial sweetener called Sorbitol… which I had never heard of.  Plus, it didn’t really matter to me because I was too busy stuffing my face and chatting it up with this guy:

Later that day, I headed home from the office with a smile on my face.  I couldn’t help but wonder what I would be doing at the age of 50.  Would I be…  WAIT A MINUTE… (gurgling sound)… What was THAT?!? 

As I felt my stomach churning and crying out like Charleton Heston from “Soylent Green”, I stepped on the gas, and drove home in record time.  Once I got home, I immediately went in to Harry Dunn mode as in the classic clip below…

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what had come over me.  It would be a painful night of coming and going… I finally reached the point where I had to eat Taco Bueno to calm my stomach down… yes, you read that correctly.

When I got to the office the next day, I was talking with my friend Jonathan at lunch.  I didn’t really want to bring up what I went through the night before… I mean, how do you start THAT conversation?!?  …Really.

Then he asked “Hey dude… did you have, like, MAJOR gas last night?”  I couldn’t help but reply, “Are you kidding me?!?  I WISH I just had gas…”  The more we talked, we decided that the cake HAD to be the factor.  We then decided that one of us would need to test this theory by eating another piece.  I bit the bullet, and ate another piece of this delicious cake.

Then I get home, and once again… I was right.  Part 2 of the “green apple quick-step”. 

After I “took the Browns to the Superbowl”, I was compelled to do a Google search for Sorbitol (the sweetener used as a sugar-substitute in the birthday cake.)  I found an article at Wikipedia.org that explained everything:

“Sorbitol can be used as a non-stimulant laxative as either an oral suspension or suppository. The drug works by drawing water into the large intestine, thereby stimulating bowel movements.^[2] Sorbitol has been determined safe to use in the elderly although it is by no means recommended. ^[3]

Ingesting large amounts of sorbitol can lead to some abdominal pain, gas, and mild to severe diarrhea. Sorbitol ingestion of 20g/d as sugar-free gum has led to severe diarrhea leading to unintended weight loss of 24 lbs in an 114 lb woman; another patient required hospitalization after habitually consuming 30g/d.^[4] Sorbitol can also aggravate irritable bowel syndrome and fructose malabsorption. ^[5]“

So here’s what I learned from all of this… 

1) Eating ANYTHING will always be an adventure.
2) Laxative cakes are a great way to apologize to someone.
3) People 50+ are not affected by laxatives.
4) This is all kind of funny… in a really sick way.